Military Careers, Second Careers - Navy Times

Women in uniform: Should you stay or should you go?

Should I stay or should I go?

It’s a question many servicewomen as well as servicemen ask themselves. Factors that lead to the decision to leave the military, according to a March 2003 study by Purdue University’s Military Family Research Institute, include dissatisfaction with military pay, the desire to pursue a civilian career, and unwillingness to deploy. And in September, Michele Flournoy of the Center for a New American Security told National Public Radio that she feared the 15-month deployments to Iraq would lead to “substantial” military retention problems, particularly for the Army.

But for servicewomen, the biggest driving factor is their belief that a military career may be incompatible with marriage and children.

“A very big reason why women leave is family,” said Marine Maj. Adrienne Evertson, who works in combat operational stress control at Marine Corps Base Quantico, Va. In 2004, Evertson and Air Force Capt. Amy Nesbitt co-wrote a thesis for their studies at the Naval Postgraduate School. They explored the “glass-ceiling effect” on midlevel female officers in their respective branches of service.

Evertson and Nesbitt found that although many servicewomen said they believed they had to work harder to receive the same level of recognition servicemen received, that was not why they left.

“Most find that the biggest conflict isn’t with working with men or stereotypes but ... between work and family,” said Evertson, who is single. “‘Do I stay and try to raise a family, or do I get out?’”

Command Master Chief Petty Officer April Beldo has been on active duty for 24 years, and she has no plans to leave.

“When people ask me, ‘Why don’t you retire?’ I say, ‘Why? So I can go find another job and start all over again? No way,’” said Beldo, who is stationed at Recruit Training Command at Great Lakes Naval Station, Ill.

Michelle LaBrosse made a different decision. After a coveted first assignment fell through, LaBrosse decided to serve only the four years required of her Air Force ROTC college scholarship. She left the service as a first lieutenant in 1987 and eventually launched Cheetah Learning Systems, a project management training company.

LaBrosse is not only happy but also wealthy. Her net worth has been estimated at $100 million.

Kathleen Toomey Jabs decided both to leave and to stay.

The 1988 Naval Academy graduate left the service after six-and-a-half years to devote more time to her family and her writing career.

Jabs then joined the Navy Reserve. She’s now a commander assigned to the Office of the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff. She balances those duties with family activities, teaching and writing. Her work has appeared in Good Housekeeping and the book “Operation Homecoming.”

Choosing a role

Nesbitt, the paper’s co-author, who is in acquisitions and is serving her second tour of duty in Iraq, wrote via e-mail that most women who join the military are “type-A personalities who want to do well in whatever they do.”

They don’t want to fail at being a mother or at their military careers, and they find it a struggle to maintain their own high standards. So, they make a conscious choice — it’s one or the other.

The Defense Department Advisory Committee on Women in the Services’ 2004 annual report found that family was the main reason women, particularly those in the officer corps, left the service.

Married female officers had the highest overall separation rate among the categories. Female officers with children left the military at a higher rate than male officers with children.

Why women get out

Jabs says “a fair percentage” of her female Naval Academy classmates “are at home raising children. We were part of that ... age where [the services] were offering huge incentives to get out.”

She also said that although she left active duty to spend more time with her family, some career frustration also was at play.

“I experienced the glass-ceiling effect, not to the extent that I was female, but because I didn’t have a combat-warfare specialty,” she said. “That was a choice that I made at the beginning of my career, but I always felt like, ‘I’m ... going to be on the sidelines. ... I ’m not ever going to lead this organization.’”

Why they stay in

Beldo said one reason she has “no regrets” about staying in uniform is because of her career progression. “Basically, if you can compare it to any civilian type of organization, I am No. 3,” she said. “The respect that I receive, the mentorship and leadership and the things that I can do, ... I don’t think I would have been able to have that type of opportunity in a civilian job.”

Lt. Stephanie Miller is head of women’s policy for the Chief of Naval Personnel’s Diversity Directorate. She noted that although the Navy’s separation figures for male and female officers are markedly different, “We see a much smaller gender gap in terms of retention for the enlisted side.”

One reason may be because female officers may have “more confidence in being able to go out and get a [civilian] job that would have equal benefits and pay,” Miller said.

What could change your mind

Miller recommends that women weigh the benefits of military service, including health and retirement plans and education opportunities. She also said the Navy is adopting more family-friendly policies. For example, female sailors who give birth do not have to return to an operational tour until the baby is 1 year old.

In her e-mail from Iraq, Nesbitt wrote that she seriously considered “trading in my Air Force blues for a business suit and high heels.” In fact, the 1999 Air Force Academy graduate turned in her separation papers, and they were approved. But soon, “I realized what a grave mistake I made. ... No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t convince myself that leaving was for me,” Nesbitt wrote. “That day, I fully realized that I wanted to be a career officer.”

And Nesbitt, who is single, is one servicewoman who will try to juggle duty with family.

“I have found that my military career does impact my ability to find a suitable spouse,” she wrote. “But I am not relegating myself to single life until I’m through with my [military] career. I intend to marry eventually, and when the time is right, the stars align, it will happen.”