Mission: Family: Deborah Mullen calls on educators to support military children - Navy Community, Navy Spouse and Family Resources - Navy Times

Mission: Family: Deborah Mullen calls on educators to support military children

Deborah Mullen doesn’t seek the limelight. Far from it, say some who know her.

When it comes to supporting military children and military families, the wife of Adm. Mike Mullen, chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, is tireless in her work behind the scenes.

But in a relatively rare speech to a roundtable on the education of military children at the recent “Building a Grad Nation” summit in Washington, D.C., her passionate words captured the essence of the military child’s life for educators who can make a difference.

“I ask only that you think of ways [the classroom] can also be a place where military children can find the acceptance they need, and the respect and understanding they so richly deserve,” she told educators.

“I do not believe, and I have not believed for quite some time, that there are many issues more important to the future of our armed forces — indeed, to the future of our country — than those confronting military children today,” she said.

While little is known about the long-term effects on children of a parent’s multiple, frequent combat deployments, Mullen said stresses are manifesting in today’s classrooms in poor grades, inattentiveness, aggression — and even overachievement, to some degree.

More than 900,000 military children have had a parent deploy multiple times, she said.Like children of firefighters and police officers, military children don’t know if their mom and dad will survive the day. But unlike those public servants, the ache doesn’t go away when the parent walks through the door at night — because service members may not walk through that door for a year at a time.

When that finally does happen, Mullen said, “It’s a pretty safe bet that he won’t be the same guy he was when he left. And for some, sadly, Mom or Dad will never walk through the door again.

“How do they share that experience with others, for whom such sacrifice is completely alien?” she asked.

Mullen also spoke of the idea of a growing disconnect between America and its military. “My greatest fear is that it will be our families who drop from sight,” she said. “Ironically, it will be their toughness, that resilience of which they are so proud, that may hasten their anonymity … so fearful have they become in asking for help.”

Even now, she said, some spouses already are “so depressed and fraught with worry they refuse to leave home, pay the bills, refuse to care for their own children.”

Military children are often “tough as nails on the outside, but inside, ball themselves up and shut themselves off from a world they know could crumble at a moment’s notice,” Mullen said.

“These are challenges I ask you to consider. These are the problems I ask you to help us solve and the shoes I ask you to walk in, if only for a few days,” she said. Ë Karen Jowers is the wife of a military retiree. Email her at kjowers@militarytimes.com.