The day of July 27 is one of the holiest of days, a day in which we celebrate one of humanity’s greatest nectar-based creations.

Scotch, of course, is the beverage referenced. The whisky, distilled in Scotland from malted barley and aged for at least three years in oak barrels, was first documented in 1494, two years after 1492, when Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

Tax records those many years ago show that Friar John Cor, a magnificent agent of divine inebriation, made an order sufficient enough to produce about 1,500 bottles of the beverage.

(Anchorman)

That’s right — fifteen hundred bottles. Friar John was getting the party started over 500 years before Pink even had the idea to manufacture that infinitely abominable noise we, for some inexplicable reason, referred to as a song.

As word of the refreshment’s potency spread to Scots everywhere eager for intoxication, monks began distilling more, quickly making it a staple of Scottish culture.

The word “whiskey" (“whisky” outside of the U.S.) evolved from the Gaelic “uisge beatha,” which translates to “water of life.” And as the Scotch Whisky Association notes, the drink “was taken for its medicinal qualities, being prescribed for the preservation of health, the prolongation of life, and for the relief of colic, palsy and even smallpox.”

It was essentially used for everything, which sounds like utter brilliance, except we also weren’t the brightest back then and were dying off from simple things like sneezing or stubbing a toe.

No matter the historical evolution of its use, however, scotch has continued to warm the bellies of international consumers as efficiently as any of its formidable elixir brethren.

“It has survived USA prohibition, wars and revolutions, economic depressions and recessions, to maintain its position today as the premier international spirit of choice, enjoyed in more than 200 countries throughout the world," the SWA says.

So raise your glasses of Scotland’s sweet libation to good drink, bagpipes, Friar John Cor, the Loch Ness Monster, kilts, the Scottish Highlands, William Wallace and Robert the Bruce or any other reasonable excuse you need to toss a few back.

Just do so responsibly. You don’t want to be the newest addition to your command’s weekend safety brief. Looking at you, Marines!

Sláinte!

Nick Offerman always enjoys the finer things in life.

Jon Simkins is a writer and editor for Military Times, and a USMC veteran.

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