As the late, great Bing Crosby once crooned, “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas.”
‘Tis the season for frenzied shoppers, excess egg nog, and dreaded visits to the in-laws who only serve fruit cake for dessert. It’s also the time of year when parents break out their Santa Claus-themed spyware: The “Elf on the Shelf.”
If you’re military, you know there’s nothing stealthy about a rosy-cheeked elf dressed all in red, no matter how creative you get with your hiding places.
Fear not. One Etsy artisan is ready to cover your, and your espionage elf’s, six.
The user, USDollClothing, sells tiny camouflage fatigues so your elf can do Santa’s bidding without attracting attention. For just $22, you can make your elf on the shelf practically invisible.
And in case the elf on the shelf concept wasn’t creepy enough already, there appears to be a little rifle attachment as well as a bow and arrow. There’s nothing quite like the threat of Christmas-related corporal punishment to keep impressionable children on the straight and narrow — or in a constant state of fear.
The only thing that would augment the elf’s capabilities further is a voice component that shouts at kids to keep hands out of pockets and feet off the grass.
Sarah Sicard is a Senior Editor with Military Times. She previously served as the Digitial Editor of Military Times and the Army Times Editor. Other work can be found at National Defense Magazine, Task & Purpose, and Defense News.