Working with veterans has taught me something important: a veteran experience rarely belongs to that veteran alone. Families experience it, too. And sometimes the youngest members of the family are the ones least able, or least inclined, to explain what they are experiencing.
As the Children and Families Specialist at Operation Warrior Resolution (OWR), I work with children and families whose lives have been shaped by military service. Over 19 years of working with children, I’ve learned that helping a child doesn’t always have to begin with getting them to tell me what’s wrong.
At OWR, we recognize that supporting a veteran also means supporting the family. Children can experience the effects of a parent’s military service, trauma, transition or other challenges in ways they may not have the words to describe. Our Children and Family Services are designed to meet children where they are while giving parents tools to understand, support and connect with them.
Adults naturally ask questions: What happened? Why are you upset? What are you feeling? There are times when children need and want to talk, and listening is what we should do. But meaningful support doesn’t always require a child to identify, explain or retell a difficult experience.
Children have extraordinary imaginations. They understand story, metaphor, silliness, pictures, movement, pretend worlds and play. When we engage that imagination intentionally, we can invite a child to experience possibilities beyond whatever may feel difficult or fixed in that moment.
One child came to OWR struggling with recurring nightmares that were disrupting sleep and affecting the family at home. Rather than asking the child to explain or retell what was causing the fear, we used imagination and Brain-Based Healing to help create a different internal experience. Afterward, the parent shared that the nightmares had stopped and they were seeing a calmer, happier child at home. For the family, that change meant more than better sleep, it brought a sense of relief and connection back into the home.
We’ve seen similar changes across the children and families we serve. Nightmares have disappeared, sadness and anger have shifted toward empowerment, harmful behaviors and reactions have ended, and relationships within the family have improved. Sometimes challenges that once felt overwhelming become manageable.
That same philosophy can help parents. When a child is angry, fearful, withdrawn or simply behaving differently, our instinct may be to figure out what is wrong and fix it. Curiosity can open another door: What brings connection? What reminds this child of their strengths? What might help them experience this moment differently?
Parents don’t need another list of things they’re doing wrong. Sometimes they need more ways to understand and connect with their children, and tools they can continue using at home.
One of the tools we incorporate into this work is Sidewalk Magic: Resolving General Trauma in Children, a children’s book I developed using an abstract, imaginative journey that leaves room for children to bring their own experiences to the story. Its companion activity guide offers playful, creative activities families can use outside of our work together.
The message behind that tool reflects what we want children and families to understand through our work at OWR: hard things can be part of a child’s story without becoming their whole story. There can still be laughter, play, connection, curiosity and imagination.
If there is one thing I hope veteran parents take from our work, it is that you don’t always need exactly the right words, and neither does your child.
Sometimes we can stop asking children to explain their world long enough to join them in it.
